Walking Through Grief and Loss During the Holiday Season

The holiday season has a way of magnifying everything we feel. Joy feels brighter. Lights seem warmer. But pain? Pain feels heavier. This time of year can stir emotions we didn’t expect and memories we weren’t prepared to revisit. Whether it’s the loss of a job, a friendship, a home, your sense of stability, a dream, a loved one, or even a beloved pet; every one of us experiences loss in one way or another. And every loss, big or small, leaves a mark.

But the reality that many people choose to avoid: loss can make us bitter, or it can make us better. The difference often lies in whether we allow ourselves to walk through grief honestly, or try to avoid it altogether.

What Grief Really Is

I define grief as intense emotional suffering caused by loss, disaster, or misfortune. Grief is deep sadness. It comes from a root word meaning “to burden,” and that’s exactly how it feels; like a weight we carry in our chest, in our mind, and often in our bones.

Mourning, on the other hand, means to feel or express sorrow. If grief is the internal ache, mourning is the outward expression of it. Our tears, our questions, the memories, and the stories we share because we don’t know what else to do with the pain.

Both are necessary. Both are human. Both are biblical!

The Valley No One Wants to Walk Through

Grief is like entering a valley of shadows, a place where familiar joy grows dim, where the path becomes unclear, where the ache of what once was feels almost unbearable. Grief is not fun. It is not quick. And it is not linear.

A truth that no one wants to hear is that grief is work. It takes emotional energy and honesty. And for significant losses, grief often lingers for one to three years and sometimes longer. The holidays tend to bring all those emotions right back to the surface, even when we believed we had moved forward.

Conflicting Emotions Are Normal

Many people are surprised by the roller coaster of emotions that come with grief. You can feel numb one moment and overwhelmed the next or angry at God and yet clinging to Him. In moments of my own personal grief, I have felt grateful for the memories yet crushed by the absence. Yet, none of this means you’re unstable or “not healing.” It just simply means you’re human.

Grief is not one emotion; it is an entire storm of them.

Grief Is Not an Event; It Is a Process

Grief is not something you “get over,” or something you walk through. It changes shape over time as it shows up in unexpected waves. It also has the potential to shift with seasons of life. Grief is not just an event; it is a process that rarely moves in a straight line.

Most people experience grief in stages that often cycle more than once:

• Denial – “This can’t be happening.”

• Release – The emotional letting go.

• Wrestling – The questions, the anger, the confusion.

• Acceptance – Not agreement, but acknowledgment.

Each stage of grief simply tells us there is no timeline, shortcuts, or “right” way to grieve.

God, People, and Strength the Valley

One of the greatest gifts for someone grieving is the presence of true friends, people who stay, support, listen, and don’t try to fix what cannot be fixed. We were never meant to walk through grief alone. And spiritually, God designed community to hold us up when we don’t have the strength to stand.

Psalm 23 gives us a powerful picture of the God who comforts those who walk through "the valley of the shadow of death." It does not say we won’t walk through the valley, it says we will not walk through it alone. Throughout the Bible we see that even Jesus wept, mourned, and entered the valley. So if Son of God allowed Himself to feel sorrow, then surely God understands ours.

Why Holidays Make the Hurt Feel Stronger

Holidays often remind us of routines that have been broken, relationships that have changed, and empty seats that cannot be filled. But they also remind us that grief isn’t something we “move past” or forget. It is something we move through with God’s help.

Despite our technology, our cultural advancements, or our best coping strategies, nothing can bypass the grief process. This is because only road to healing goes straight through the pain not around it.

Helpful Tips for Grieving During the Holidays

1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel What You Feel

   
   

   You don’t have to “be festive” just because it’s December. Grief doesn’t take a holiday. Let yourself feel the sadness, the joy, the numbness, or the anger. Emotional honesty is not weakness; it’s part of healing.

   
   

2. Adjust Your Expectations This Year

   
   

   You do not have to celebrate the way you always have. Traditions can be paused, simplified, or reimagined. It’s okay to do less. It’s okay to change plans. It’s okay to honor your emotional capacity.

   
   

3. Create Space to Honor the Loss

   
   

   Light a candle. Share a favorite memory. Visit a meaningful place. Write a letter. Do something small that acknowledges your loved one or the loss you’re grieving. Rituals help your heart breathe.

   
   

4. Let People Support You

   
   

   Grief becomes heavier when carried alone. If someone offers help, accept it. If you need company, ask for it. If you need quiet, express it. True community doesn’t pressure you, it carries you.

   
   

5. Hold On to Small Rhythms of Care

   
   

   Eat when you can. Rest when you’re tired. Go outside for a short walk. Drink water. Daily rhythms of care anchor your nervous system when emotions feel overwhelming.

   
   

6. Set Boundaries Without Guilt

   
   

   If gatherings feel too loud, too emotional, or too triggering, it’s okay to step back. You are not responsible for managing other people’s expectations. You are only responsible for stewarding your soul and honoring your heart.

   
   

7. Remember That Waves Are Normal

   
   

   Some moments may feel peaceful. Others may feel unbearable. Waves do not mean you’re going backward; they mean grief is moving through you. Let the waves come and go without judging yourself.

   
   

8. Invite God Into the Pain

   
   

   Pray honest prayers: “Lord, this hurts.” “I miss them.” “I don’t know what to do.” God isn’t looking for polished words; He’s looking for your heart. Healing begins when you let Him sit with you in the ache.