Triggered and Tired? There's a Reason for That!

If you’ve ever looked back at how you responded to a difficult situation and felt ashamed, you're not alone.

As a pastor and counselor, I’ve had the opportunity to sit with many broken people who carry the weight of guilt for how they react when life gets hard. Maybe you’re one of them. Maybe you’ve shut down when someone needed you. Maybe you lashed out and said things you wish you could take back. Perhaps you avoided the conversation altogether, or worked overtime to maintain the peace, even at the expense of your well-being.

Can I ask you a deep question? What if your response was not a character flaw, but a survival strategy?

In life, we all develop “patterns” or responses—often unconsciously—to navigate pain and fear. These responses may have helped us survive in hard seasons, but they don’t always serve us in our present lives. Still, there’s no shame in them. They’re signals—clues—that tell us where our hearts have been wounded and where God longs to bring healing and freedom.

Let’s take a closer look at four common conflict responses and what they might reveal beneath the surface about our souls:

FIGHT

Do you get defensive when someone challenges you? Do you feel the need to be right or stay in control?

This response is often rooted in a fear of powerlessness. Somewhere along the way, you may have learned that strength meant survival. But friend, God isn’t asking you to live in constant battle mode. His gentleness surpasses your grit. He invites you into a strength that rests in Him, not in the need to win or protect.

“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” (Exodus 14:14)

FLIGHT

Do you tend to avoid conflict or run from facing painful things?

This response can come from a time when it felt safer to disappear than to deal with overwhelming pain. Avoidance might have protected you then, but it won’t lead you to peace now. The good news? God is your refuge, even when the storm is loud. You don’t have to run—He is right there with you.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1)

FREEZE

Do you shut down, become numb, or feel stuck when life becomes overwhelming?

Freeze isn’t a weakness. It’s often your heart’s way of saying, “I’m overwhelmed.” If you’ve ever felt paralyzed in the face of conflict or emotion, know this: God isn’t frustrated with you. He meets you in stillness. He’s patient. He holds you when you feel unable to move forward.

“Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)

FAWN

Do you try to please, fix, or keep others happy at all costs?

This response often stems from a fear of being abandoned or rejected. You may have learned that love had to be earned through performance, peacekeeping, or perfection. But the love of Christ isn’t based on what you do. In Him, you are already fully accepted, seen, and safe.

“Perfect love casts out fear.” (1 John 4:18)

What does your response reveal about you?

It doesn’t say you’re broken.

It doesn’t say you’re a failure.

It says you’ve been doing your best to feel safe.

And here’s the beautiful truth: Jesus meets you in every one of those responses. He doesn’t shame you for surviving—He powerfully invites you toward healing. He security, faithfulness, and grace so deep our hearts are transformed, and our most ingrained patterns can begin to shift.

Prayer for Freedom and Healing

If you want to receive healing and freedom from any negative responses you may face, pray with me below:

"Heavenly Father, thank You for creating my heart and seeing all the ways I’ve learned to survive. Thank you for loving me even in my pain. I confess that I have responded to hard times by ___. (Confess every way you have responded to hard times in improper ways, e.g., fighting, running away, freezing, or people-pleasing.)

I’ve leaned on these patterns instead of running to you. Right now, in the name of Jesus, I renounce every lie I have believed—that I am unworthy, unloved, or unsafe. I break the agreement with fear, shame, and control. (Renounce any additional areas that the Holy Spirit may direct you to renounce.)

I receive your truth: I am accepted, worthy, significant, and loved in Christ. Teach me to respond not in fear, but in faith. Heal what wounds have broken, and restore what survival has stolen. Lead me in Your peace. In the name of Jesus, I pray. Amen."