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Breaking Free from Fear, Shame and Control

Writer's picture: Samuel C. PettySamuel C. Petty

Updated: Aug 13, 2024








Last week, I talked to a friend who really wanted freedom from the influence of fear, shame, and control in life. They were in tears as they shared the limitations these negative influences caused in their spiritual journey. Without hesitating, I wanted to share thoughts on how we can receive freedom from these areas and walk in the wholeness and abundance that Jesus promises.

 

What is Shame?

 

Shame is “the sense of being wrong, flawed, or even broken in our identity.” Like the influence of rejection, shame becomes our inner narrative when we believe the lie, “I am a mistake,” and “Being wrong is my identity.” In and of itself, this is one of the hardest lies to overcome, as it distorts the core of who we were created to be from our heavenly Father.

 

When we partner with shame, we often build a life that lives under the structure of a world that labels us as “rejected, abandoned, and alone.” As a result, we will partner with the fear of rejection and abandonment by others, allowing our pain to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. During this painful inner reality, we will believe additional lies such as, “What if everyone else finds out how I really am? They will leave me then! I have to hide my emotional and spiritual issues, so I don’t get rejected. If I run away, I will not get hurt again. ” From this deep emotional response, we will find ourselves walking through the door of control. We will seek to control our relationships and conversations and overwrite the narrative of our lives.

 

Yet, we must know that control is never the protector it promises to be. Bad things continue to happen, and as time goes on, we will feed into the lie, “This is who I am: fearful, shameful, and I must control my world, or else.” Over time, our inner critique will become powerful as we are deeply trapped in a never-ending cycle of spiritual and emotional bondage.

 

How did it all Start?

 

Where did this all start? If you said, “Adam and Eve,” you are correct! Genesis 3:10 tells us how fear, shame, and control became a part of our DNA. “He replied, “I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked.” When Adam and Eve chose to disobey God, the result of their sinful action was Fear of God’s presence, Shame of being naked, and Control to hide from the consequences of their sinful action.  

 

Often, we will choose the same path and suffer the same spiritual and emotional consequences that cause deep bondage in our souls. When we choose to control the shame we feel due to the fear we face, it will keep us from being seen as we really are, resulting in feelings of separation, rejection, and abandonment.

 

See the chart below of the common progression of this negative influence in our lives:



How do we Break Free from Fear, Shame, and Control?

 

I will share the same truth and encouragement with you that I shared with my hurting friend just days ago. You, too, can be free of Fear, Shame, and Control! Jesus died for our freedom and for us to live the abundant life that the Gospel promises.

 

“So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law.” (Galatians 5:1). Let’s embrace this freedom today by taking four simple steps to break free from Fear, Shame, and Control!

 

1.      Call Shame, Fear, and Control what they are: Foes, not Friends.

 

The first step in breaking free is confession. When we confess these negative influences in life, we are saying what God says about them—they are not our friends or protectors. Fear, shame, and control are really foes, enemies of our purpose, and oppressors that keep us from fulfilling our God-given destiny.

 

A sample prayer of confession for these areas may look like this: “Jesus, I confess fear, shame, and control are present in my life. I choose to give these things to You.”

 

2.      Identify the lie behind shame, fear, and control.

 

Growing up, I remember my preschool teacher saying, “Sam, behind every ‘monster under your bed’ is the lie that you cannot turn on the light.” Although trivial and comical, I believe a deep spiritual truth remains. Fear, shame, and control are serious issues. They often seem scary and powerful, as they affect many parts of life. However, we have the ability to turn on the light and get to the root of what is causing our spiritual and emotional issues.

 

When we identify the lie(s) behind the fear, shame, and control, we allow the Holy Spirit to shine His light on the area that may have caused an open door or place for these negative influences to reside. Often, revealing the area that caused fear, shame, and control in our hearts means choosing to forgive the person(s) involved. The actions of others that negatively affect us are often the basis for the lies, false labels, and narratives we believe and live by.

 

In prayer, a sample question you can ask God is, “Lord, who do I need to forgive for influencing fear, shame, and control in my life? (Write down the name of each person that comes to mind) I choose to forgive ___ for ___ because it made me believe the lie(s) ___." (Feel free to work through forgiveness and revealing lies as the Holy Spirit guides you.)

 

3.      Break Agreement with Fear, Shame, and Control

 

As God reveals the lie, we must then choose to repent for partnering with it and renounce the power each negative influence has in our world. Jesus said, “A tree is known by its fruit,” and our “heavenly father takes away the rotten fruit in the lives of His children so they can produce better, lasting fruit” (Luke 6:44 and John 15:2)

 

When we renounce fear, shame, and control, we are verbally rejecting their influence in our lives and asking God to grant us a new spiritual and emotional reality—one that is not clouded by the bad fruit of bondage to past pain or present negative habits. There is power in our words to agree with God’s ability to work within our hearts, transforming us into the image of Christ.

 

A sample prayer to repent and renounce fear, shame, and control may look like this: “Jesus, I repent for partnering with fear, shame, and control. I renounce all agreement with each lie that empowered these sins and influences my life and give them to You.”

 

4.      Embrace God’s truth to replace the lie you once believed.

 

This is the most essential step in breaking free from fear, shame, and control. Jesus is the perfect example of truth, as He alone is the ultimate truth. True freedom comes from our willingness to embrace God’s truth in the face of every lie, negative influence, or false narrative we have once held close. We do this by exchanging the lie we face with a divine exchange of truth from our good and perfect heavenly Father.

 

That day, I encouraged my friend to find places in Scripture that counteracted the fear, shame, and control that once gripped their lives. A major way to do this is to develop identity statements based on God’s Word, your identity in Christ, and His promises to you.

 

These could be statements such as:

 

I have overwhelming victory in Christ. (Romans 8:37)

I am safe by the power of Jesus’ name. (John 17:11)

All my sins are forgiven. (Ephesians 1:7)

 

I also believe it is important to meditate on these truths for at least 45 days to settle what God has done in your heart and every part of your life.

 

As you pray, you can ask God: Jesus, what is your truth to replace fear, shame, and control? (Wait for Him to reveal His truth to you) I receive ___ in exchange for the ___ I have given You. Thank You, Lord, for ___.”

 

That’s it!

 

You can break free from every influence of fear, shame, and control in your life! If you want to go deeper into the spiritual and emotional wholeness that God has for you, check out my book, Encountering Abba’s Heart, or use the purchase link below.

 



 

 

 

 

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